sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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