so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
