he puts the penis in happiness.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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