Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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