dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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