dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
