well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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