I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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