I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
