chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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