oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
