Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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