you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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