just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
