Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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