you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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