4 words: hood of his car
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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