No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize