Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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