So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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