Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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