Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i out mim tonsoeep
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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