I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
