I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
