Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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