Sry I called you an 8
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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