Sponge bath it is.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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