Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
