I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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