I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
