I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
