hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
