Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
