I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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