toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh god the rape fog is back!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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