Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
