she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
