Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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