Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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