i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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