if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
