At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
