JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
