no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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