You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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