dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
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Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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