I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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