I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
