I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
