after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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