You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
