Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
