dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
