chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
