A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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