I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
