She's JV to your varsity
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
