So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
