i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
