well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
