PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
