I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
