Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
