no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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