My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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