My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
