That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I AM VODKA MAN
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
