i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
