apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
