I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
