yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
