i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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