At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
a search helicopter?!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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