I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
