At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
