Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
