its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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