The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
