Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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