I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
