i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
