I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
