I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
