ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
