You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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