If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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