Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
