Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
