I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
