are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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